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| 2012's best gaffes from managers and pundits | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 1 2013, 05:44 AM (140 Views) | |
| Homer | Jan 1 2013, 05:44 AM Post #1 |
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I am the King
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For over a decade I've been collecting week the best commentator cock-ups and manager manglings for your amusement in my weekly 3PM column. Here are over 200 of my favourites from 2012 ![]() "I've been consistent in patches this season" - THEO WALCOTT "I look forward to hearing from the silent majority" - ALEX McLEISH "I haven't seen it, but it looks generous" - ARSENE WENGER "Whoever you support, you've got that blood in your veins" - PHIL NEAL "Paolo Di Canio is one picnic short of a hamper" - ALAN BRAZIL "If we'd kept a clean sheet tonight, we'd have won 1-0" - STEVE COTTERILL, AFTER FOREST LOST 2-1 "They can push the bat a little bit more than others at that level" - STEVE CLARIDGE "In the end, Rosicky initially did well" - ANDY TOWNSEND "He's been like a fresh of breath air" - ROY KEANE "The thing about goalscorers is that they score goals" - TONY COTTEE "I don't want Rooney to leave these shores but if he does, I think he'll go abroad" - IAN WRIGHT "Belgium are outside dark favourites to win the group" - IAIN DOWIE "Six yards out and Wheater headers it over" - PAUL MERSON "Luis Suarez is a victim of his own make-up" - MICKY QUINN "Matt Taylor ran half the length of the field, width-wise" - IAN ABRAHAMS "The last six games of the Invincibles season were the most pressurised, because we were under pressure" - RAY PARLOUR "I feel sorry for Wolves at the moment but not sorry for them" - DAVID PLEAT "Sometimes you want Obertan to open his legs and do something a bit exciting" - ALAN PARDEW "Fernando Torres needs a new leash of life" - STAN COLLYMORE "The game is not over until it is" - DWIGHT YORKE "He's got a lot of self-belief in himself" - GRAHAM BEECROFT "When Everton knock it long, they don't knock it long" - PAUL MERSON "It's so daft it's almost stupid" - CHRIS KAMARA "With Harry, two plus two always makes five, not three" - MILAN MANDARIC "Alex Ferguson is speaking about Liverpool in an intimate way" - STAN COLLYMORE "They were numerically outnumbered" - GARRY BIRTLES "It was goalposts for jumpers" - TONY MOWBRAY "Not to win is guttering" - MARK NOBLE "Rolando's been given a second yellow for arguing with the life support.... er, the linesman" - CHRIS WADDLE "One win doesn't make a swallow" - DANNY KELLY "Reading won't have the confidence to be confident" - PAUL MERSON "The one significant change is in fact the second significant change" - JONATHAN PEARCE "That's put a strain on his left-hand knee" - JOHN SCALES "However people have interpretated that is up to them" - EDDIE MITCHELL "He's a good footballer, as in technical-wise" - TONY CASCARINO "Jordan Henderson is a player who likes to do his business in the middle of the park" - JASON McATEER "It's never over until somebody sings" - CLAYTON BLACKMORE "Matty Jarvis had acres of time there" - STAN COLLYMORE "That's exactly how you head a ball... you use your head" - RAY WILKINS "It's an unprecedented precedent" - CLARK CARLISLE "There's a good-feel factor about Sheffield Wednesday" - ALAN BRAZIL "Darren Fletcher is the type of player who would walk over hot coals to play for his country, and he has done" - ANDY GRAY "If you closed your eyes, you couldn't tell the difference between the two sides" - PHIL BROWN "They're a little bit miss and hit" - DWIGHT YORKE "Will Chelsea qualify with ease? I think they will, but it won't be easy" - JAMIE REDKNAPP "Look at that roar" - NIALL QUINN "I'll give the ref the benefit of the doubt but he's got a lot wrong" - MARK BRIGHT "He done great to get where he got" - PAUL MERSON "West Ham have committed 13 fouls, but they weren't fouls, they were commitment" - RAY WILKINS "Getting picked gives you half that confidence, or 50 per cent of it" - GLENN HODDLE "Ferdinand has been laid out by Kolarov's unfortunate followthrough" - JON CHAMPION "I think one of these teams could win this" - ANDY TOWNSEND, BEFORE UEFA SUPER CUP FINAL "Michael Owen will get double figures this season - or at least 10, possibly more" - GARTH CROOKS "The Merseyside derby games are unique in the city" - BRENDAN RODGERS "Levante have gone fourth in Serie A. If anyone can tell me what part of Italy Levante is in, please call. I've no idea" - ALAN BRAZIL "It's like a stone rolling down a hill - it's gathering more and more moss" - GRAEME SOUNESS "I hope to be back in management in the next future" - PAUL INCE "I'm glad I don't have to face Coloccini, because I don't think I would touch many balls" - DEMBA BA "John Terry wears his shirt on his sleeve" - RAY PARLOUR "Roberto Martinez's belief is unbelievable" - DAVE WHELAN "The butterflies will be jangling" - GABBY LOGAN "Cahill went off, then Botswana came on" - PAUL ELLIOTT “Shay Given is champing on the door to be involved this weekend" - ALEX McLEISH "Bayern will have the added advantage of playing in their own stadium - that's like a home game for them" - PAUL ELLIOTT "Robben and Ribery have what you call a fisty relationship" - ULI KOHLER "Football's all about yesterday, it's all about now" - PAUL MERSON "Fulham haven't had a shot on target, which is probably why they aren't in the goals" - TONY COTTEE "Neither team has really taken the baton by the scruff of the neck and put their stamp on it" - NIGEL WORTHINGTON "It's all hands to the decks now" - NIALL QUINN "Ozil could find the needle in a haystack with his sense of smell" - RAY HUDSON "Too often this season, Sunderland have left themselves with an uphill mountain" - GRAHAM COURTNEY "The problem is nobody knows what the problem is" - DAVID CRAIG "They're not that very good, Napoli" - PAUL MERSON "The pass for Wright-Phillips was overweight" - ALAN SHEARER "Mario Balotelli is like Marmite, you either love him or hate him. Me, I'm between" - JOE ROYLE "Fernando Torres needs to be loved on a regular basis" - MARK LAWRENSON "He went in with his shuds stowing" - GARY NEVILLE "He could have done one of three things. He didn't do either" - GORDON STRACHAN "Man City are entering the eye of the tiger" - MARTIN KEOWN "You've got a little spring in your step in your voice" - MICKY QUINN “Is it still called Calcutta? I thought it was Bombay these days" - CHIS KAMARA "The paint is hardly dry on Neil Warnock's sacking" - JIM WHITE "In the FA Cup, you always have to expect the unexpectable" - ROBERTO DI MATTEO "It's now much more 50-50 in favour of Everton" - IAIN DOWIE "Sheffield Wednesday are third in the table. You couldn't be any higher" - IAN ABRAHAMS "There was nothing wrong with his timing, he was just a bit late" - MARK BRIGHT "That's literally opening a team up and putting them to the sword" - NIALL QUINN "When you're there, it's one of those 'I was there' moments" - TONY GALE "He's the player who can unlock the key" - STUART ROBSON "John Cross is feeling very boyish about Arsenal's chances" - ALAN BRAZIL "Southampton have always been at the top, apart from the seasons when they weren't" - RAY PARLOUR "It was end-to-end stuff at both ends" - JACK DEARDEN "Mistakes will be made, make no mistake" - GARTH CROOKS "There are so many sides down there at the top" - MARK SAGGERS "He's sort of facing the goal with his chest" - LEE DIXON "Manchester City feel like they've been hardly done by" - NIGEL PEARSON "Ramires is involved in everything he does" - GRAEME LE SAUX "There's only one person gets you sacked and that's the fans" - PAUL MERSON "Scotland v Wales will be like a Cup tie" - ALAN BRAZIL "Most goals are scored between the posts" - JAMIE REDKNAPP "Where do you sit on young players, Martin Keown?" - JONATHAN PEARCE "The proverbial is hitting the flan at the moment" - ALVIN MARTIN "I've only played for Watford, so I'm called a one-man club" - LLOYD DOYLEY "There's always been a fierce rivalry between Spurs and Tottenham" - DAVID PLEAT "Martin Kelly has been booked for a foul on everything" - GRAHAM BEECROFT "Didier Drogba's just a big loveable lump. Graham Norton seemed to get inside him last night" - CLIVE TYLDESLEY "England are dangerous black horses" - GARETH SOUTHGATE "He's 23 years of old" - MICKY QUINN "Ji-Sung Park is probably not as young as he was when he arrived at Old Trafford all those years ago" - RAY HOUGHTON "Sheikh Mansour is putting his money and his mouth where his mouth is" - STAN COLLYMORE "Arsene Wenger has got to unlock the purse strings" - JOHN MOTSON "Suarez's hunger for the game seems unquenchable" - ALAN SMITH "It's pouring down and the ref is enjoying his moment in the sun" - ADRIAN CHILES "We have this mentality of going into every game just thinking about the next game" - SHANE LONG "To concede so late is a bit of a pill to swallow" - LEAM RICHARDSON "Defoe was level and anyone who says otherwise is picking hairs" - JOHN MOTSON "The sun is squinting into the keepers' eyes" - JOHN TEMPLE "Martin O'Neill has literally lifted Sunderland out of the mire" - PHIL THOMPSON "We are talking negativitively about them" - RAY WILKINS "Hopefully Andy Carroll has only tweeted his hamstring" - SAM ALLARDYCE "Bobby Robson is Bobby Robson and will always be Bobby Robson" - FREDDY SHEPHERD "Three minutes to go - this is where Arsenal normally get a last-minute goal" - SIR ALAN SUGAR “Newcastle are absolutely besotted by injuries" - MARK LAWRENSON "That kind of natural understanding doesn't develop naturally" - KENNY CUNNINGHAM "The directors of the club are in dialect with the protesters" - STEVE KEAN "Frank Lampard is engaged to Christine Brinkley" - MICKY QUINN "Martin Jol has put his hands on his heads" - RAY PARLOUR "When David Beckham leaves the game, it will take a very special player to come in and carry the mantelpiece" - SOPHIE NICOLAU "Arsenal's defence will be a worry going forward" - KENNY CUNNINGHAM "The half-time whistle blows and I have one word for you: Absolutely brilliant" - SAM MATTERFACE "And now over to Barnet for another flash from Jacqui Oatley" - IAN ROBERTSON "Bolton have won just three of their last two games" - IAN ABRAHAMS "As the saying goes, 'you don't fix something if it isn't broken'" - PAUL MERSON "They gave the Serbian FA a poultry fine" - ALAN BRAZIL “There was nothing wrong with his timing - he was just a bit late" - MARK BRIGHT "Most of Michael Owen's goals have come in the past" - DAN WALKER "I'd love to get to the final of Masterchef. I'd feel almost as if I've failed if I didn't" - DANNY MILLS "They played Arsenal and got their backsides felt" - CRAIG BURLEY "Steven Fletcher cost a very lot of money" - CHRIS WADDLE "They're being asked to play three games a week... mentally, they can't ascertain to do that" - BOBBY GOULD "The more you lose, the more you don't win" - ALEX McLEISH "They should slowly integrate them out of the club" - MICK QUINN "That's certainly lit the litmus paper" - BRADLEY ALLEN "Arsenal owe a great deal of debtitude to the keeper" - MATT LE TISSIER "Abbiati sticks out a lanky arm to save that" - ALAN SMITH "Reading have got the good factor" - RAY PARLOUR "Andy Carroll will cause anyone problems and I don't see a problem in that" - ALAN SHEARER "Arsenal need crispier passing" - SAM MATTERFACE "I'd go back to Leeds at any time, but not right now" - GUS POYET "Luiz nearly missed an open header" - ALAN SMITH "Dzeko scored against QPR to set up that climax at the finish" - NIALL QUINN "Fernando Torres is playing out of his face at the moment" - TOMMY LANGLEY "Swansea's right back, Rangel Angel, will be putting the crosses in" - PAUL MERSON "If Arsenal don't finish third, they might not finish in third place" - ALVIN MARTIN "Bogdan should be playing for whatever country he comes from" - PHIL THOMPSON “It's the old adage - what stays on tour, happens on tour" - IAN ABRAHAMS "It's not always plain sailing , especially when you're flying" - BRENDAN RODGERS "Chelsea have to play Sunday night - the FA won't bulge" – ALAN BRAZIL "That was a great finish, but you could say it wasn't a great finish because it didn't go in" - CHRIS WADDLE "The Carling Cup ought to get a little more credit than it deserves" - MARK CHAPMAN "It's six of one, half a dozen of the other at least" - STAN COLLYMORE "When you play for England you're all representing that curry... er, your country" - JAMIE REDKNAPP "The Bolton back four didn't have a cat on earth's chance" - STAN COLLYMORE "If you don't question the officials' role then you've got to ask what they are doing" - ARSENE WENGER "Scottish football needs a kick in the arm" - CHARLIE NICHOLAS "I watched the United v Reading game with my jaw literally hitting the floor" - IAN WRIGHT "Robin van Persie is 29 years of old" - SAM MATTERFACE "It was a damp squid for Liverpool" - PAUL MERSON "In the first half, I didn't see the second half coming, that's for sure" - MICK McCARTHY "And here goes Aguero, looking to relieve himself" - MIKE INGHAM "Ronnie Moran had us as young boys, religiously" - PHIL THOMPSON "Chelsea are all in blue, with their white socks" - SAM MATTERFACE "It's looking more and more less likely" - ROBBIE FOWLER "The FA inquiry has been a farce from start to finish and it's not even finished" - DIETMAR HAMANN "Santi Cazorla is two-footed" - GRAEME LE SAUX "Samuel Eto'o is reputedly the highest-paid player in the world at Ł350,000 per week - that's Ł5,000 a day" - CLIVE TYLDESLEY "Man City have got a run of genteel games coming up" - CRAIG BURLEY "Arsenal are in tough competition for fourth with the likes of Spurs, Everton and Arsenal" – PAUL MERSON "With all their guns flying, Tottenham would be a threat" - GLENN HODDLE "He's not as young as he used to be, Bobby Zamora" - GARY COTTERILL "If we'd have scored, it would have been a different result" - TONY PULIS "Spurs have been here before at White Hart Lane" - CLIVE TYLDESLEY "There's a lot of work been put in that hasn't been put in" - GLENN HODDLE "If you're not frustrated that you're not playing football then you shouldn't be playing football" - THEO WALCOTT "They've had their moments, City, but nothing too consecrated" - CLIVE TYLDESLEY "Are Spurs title contenders for the league? - MICKY QUINN "If Oscar carries on like this then the world, literally, is at his oyster" - IAN ABRAHAMS "As long as you hit the target, they're going to go in... if the keeper don't make a save" - IAN HOLLOWAY "Football these days isn't going forwards. It's going sidewards" - BOBBY GOULD |
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12:46 AM Jul 11